Dealing with everything...

Hey guys I hope you are all doing well. So I am beginning my ninth week in isolating here in the UK as I had received my letter at the end of April and it has been a real struggle the last few days. I lost one of my guinea pigs on the 20th May. He had passed away in my arms after a seizure but he had been suffering from lots of coughs and sneezes that morning and the vet said if he got worse to ring up again and see if he could squeeze him in for an emergency but he did not think it was serious. So Pumpkin grew his angel wings that afternoon.

This is our beloved Pumpkin

So for 3 weeks our beloved Squeak had no one to torture him and popcorn around the cage with him apart from his teddy bear Rudolph which little miss kindly gave him to keep him company until we got him a new buddy to keep him company. So George and Wilfred came and joined us as I could not leave George behind as he would have missed his brother even though they have been separated because of bloodshed. The love for these boys and my daughter is too much and I would miss them a lot even though they drive me all mad at times but they keep me going every day. They all help me with my mental health in some form but if I wanted to cry I cannot let little miss see me cry as it makes her very sad.

George, Squeak and Wilfred

While this had been happening I had started talking to a couple who I have taken like my own flesh and blood big brother and little sister. I started talking to my brother at the end of April and it was through a friend who started up her own family on tiktok. She had added me as I had been struggling with my mental health and to be honest I have been struggling a lot and not been telling anyone much apart from to my GP and social worker. Both my brother and sister has been through a lot in recent months.

My brother had been speaking to another person from the family on tiktok and they had been speaking for quite some time and it had started with a text here and there and then a call here and there and when I started speaking with them it had been going on for weeks every day and night 24/7. I had come in and she was controlling him and had him under a spell and I somehow managed to break that spell. I do not know how but I did and now he is trying to get himself better mentally, physically and emotionally as she had basically broken him to pieces. From that evening on I have been there for him and now he goes to sleep at night time and wakes up in the morning like a normal person. He had been subjected to continuous lies, controlling, manipulation and narcissistic ways for five whole months. She was acting like my ex (daughter's dad) and her spell had been broken as I got fed up her treating him like a piece of dirt like my ex had done with me but I will talk to you about that in another post and no matter what he done even threatened to leave her and no longer speak to her she threatened to take an overdose of her medication or even try to drown herself in the bath (which she had apparently done before I started talking to them). So one day I just snapped and told him he was free and she will not be talking to you again and he has been free since but all her lies and crap has come back toppling down on her head since. If you ever met this girl online please do me a favour and do not ever talk to her as you are going to get stuck in her crap and she will not let you go as she will never change as we have tried and tried but you just cannot change a leopards spots.

This is one reason why I am not sleeping properly as I am scared she will get her claws into someone else and cause even more trouble than what she has already with about 20 people already with her continuous lies and everyone has had enough of her and now they have banned her on all their social media accounts and gaming accounts. She has about 3 of every social media account and she will tell you lies into why she has them one being stalked by someone else but it is really so she can spy and manipulate other people not because she is being stalked as we have recently found out 99.9% of her stories have actually been made up and I am not joking. She actually lied about being pregnant to one of her ex's and this killed me as I had miscarried last year during little misses Halloween half term break I could actually have lost it with her but I found out after I had blocked her.

This is the girl and she goes by many names as she has multiple social media accounts but her real name is Megan

My little sister had coronavirus a few months ago and had fought it so hard and overcame it but had then been admitted to hospital again with other issues such as fibroids, ovarian cyst and then been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and an issue with her heart. She has had six operations so far and not to do with the Crohn's but with each one I have been hanging on and hoping she would be ok. After the sixth one she could not handle the pain so they induced her into a coma and since then I have been scared so much so that I have not been able to sleep much and my anxiety has got worse. I am being woken up with everything in my body just making me wake up out of a deep sleep and this has been every night since Thursday when they put her into an induced coma as she was on the strongest pain killers possible and she was still in agony. So we are on day 4 on her being in an induced coma and it is killing my brother as well as me. I am just about managing as I am keeping myself busy with my crocheting and I am trying to keep him busy as well so he is not worrying about her as he is 1600miles away from her and he just wishes he could be with her every minute of the day but he is struggling as he also has Crohn's too. I just wish I had a magic wand at times as I wish my little sister was not struggling with all these health problems as she is still young and has her whole life ahead of her. I also wish my big brother and little sister were together and not separated by 1600miles as she went back to her home country a little while after her mum passed away and also went home to look after her Auntie.

It has been a tough few months for all of us but we are slowly all getting there and when my little sister is better after recovering from her six operations she will eventually have a much needed heart operation but she needs to be fully recovered from the other operations first to improve her chance of survival as she is extremely weak at the moment. Even though the operation my sister needs it is a straight forward operation but it does carry a lot of risks and I mean a lot and knowing this is also waking me up during the night as I keep having dreams that she is not going to make it through the operation. I know I have to stay positive as it may not happen and I also need to keep strong for her as she has months of recovery after she has the operation and then she needs to get signed off by the doctors that she is fit to fly so she can come back home where she belongs but we will now be looking at after Easter next year all being well with hopefully no more Coronavirus lockdowns due to more outbreaks but we will have to wait and see what happens with that as we need to figure out how to stop it from spreading as China has a second wave of the virus.

Now talking about the Coronavirus it has actually scared the hebbie-jebbies out of me as China has over 80,000 dead after the first wave and with the second wave now hitting them and here in the UK we have over 60,000 apparently at the moment dead. It is very scary stuff from what I have heard about it especially the illnesses which the kids can get. I am scared that if I catch it or my daughter catches it that I either leave her behind with her controlling, manipulative dad if I cannot fight it as I am classed as extremely vulnerable and now I have to isolate until 1st August at the moment. If little one was to catch it she takes weeks even months to fight off a common cold as her immune system is weak as she has a few other issues on top of her asthma like myself but it can keep me up at night as I am worried if either of us catches it. I try not to think about it as so many people across the world has fought it but some are still suffering with issues afterwards like heart issues and they were fit as a fiddle before they caught the virus but I try to stay positive.

Well this is just a little bit about me trying to deal with things lately there are other things on my mind but these are just a few things that has been affecting my mental health. If you are struggling with your mental health with the coronavirus situation or with your Crohn's or other health issues or even controlling and coercive behaviour please ask for help and talk to someone like a friend, family member, doctor or even a therapist they are all there to help you just like I am there helping my big brother and little sister and they are there for me.

Look after yourselves mentally, physically and emotionally.