Self-esteem and Chronic illnesses

Living with a chronic illness such as Crohn's disease, you have to deal with a load of shit (both literally and figuratively speaking).  Not everyone suffers the same as everyone is affected by the disease symptoms but also the side effects of the treatment they are receiving.  Some of the symptoms like the ulceration in your stomach or colon are not visible unless you have an endoscopy or colonoscopy, but there can be side effects which can be physical too. Self-esteem being one physical manifestation as it can take a hit when you are struggling with side effects like weight loss, facial swelling and weight gain due to steroid treatment and acne too.

Edema is causes by dehydration and malnutrition which is usually caused by rapid weight loss during a flare up.  It is hard to keep things down and keep them in when you are running a marathon to the bathroom between 10-20 times a day or even more. Fluid and nutrition is easily lost. An IV saline drip is usually the best method to help dehydration but if the body is lacking protein, edema can occur.

Edema is the lovely swelling caused by fluid retention.  So after a drastic drop in weight such as 11stone 7pounds to 6stone 8pounds in a period of 6months could find yourself swelling up like a human balloon.  Edema is much harder on the body than you can imagine.  When you are either lying up in the hospital bed all day with little or no energy at all, the muscles become weaker.  This makes the swelling feel a lot heavier, in turn making it harder and more difficult to get out of bed.  The edema can surprisingly cause back pain due to the pressure on the nerves and muscles.

Without an IV saline drip the fluid weight can be lost within 2-3weeks.  Unfortunately this will bring you back to an unpleasant state of being underweight.  This is definitely not glamorous at all in the slightest.  After such a drastic weight loss we usually try to regain it as quickly as possible depending on how much we have lost. It can be a long and slow process.  Last time I had lost a lot of weight that I needed to regain was after my massive flare which lead to my diagnosis of Crohn's disease back in 2013.  My normal weight before I had my daughter Alisha fluctuated between 65-70kilograms.  After I had her I could not shift the extra weight I put on during the pregnancy or afterwards as I had been put on the lovely devil tic tacs, prednisolone for just under 5mths due to my medications causing really bad liver inflammation. My normal weight is still not decided yet as 2years on I am still trying to lose that extra weight as I was over 100kgs.  During the transition period I felt really awkward and uncomfortable but more so after I had Alisha as I was already down about my weight and then adding steroids into my mixture of medications it made me feel worse.  Worse in a sense that I refused to go out and about to the shops, baby groups and other places.  They were the days I felt very discouraged to go out anywhere even when I had a lot of energy and it was because I did not want to be seen in such a state. 

On top of all the weight fluctuations, the usual treatment for Crohn's disease is steroids to control a flare up and for Fibromyalgia is a form of anti-depressants to control the pain. Both come with side effects and the most common are weight gain and acne unless you stop the treatment it seems to stay for the full treatment course.  I despise the acne as no matter how much I cover it up with make-up it is not always 100% effective and I have noticed it can make it even worse.  I know most men would not be plastering their faces in concealer if they have really bad side effects from the steroids which leaves them with even less options to cope and manage it.  Along with the horrible little red bumps that appear all over your forehead, cheeks, chin, chest and for me along the jawbone near my ears, steroids especially prednisolone causes facial swelling.  Everyone deals with it differently some worse than other. I usually suffer really bad with "moon-face" and look like a human sided hamster when I am on them to control my Crohn's disease. 

All of the side effects can make it extremely difficult for anyone to feel confident and happy about themselves which is very important during the recovery process.  Even when you do not feel like going out, but being locked up away from other human beings can be detrimental as well.  Locking yourself up away from others can cause social anxiety, generalised anxiety or even depression.  After I had Alisha I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression as I only seen her and her dad on a daily basis and anyone who came round to visit like the health visitor for the most of her first three months.  If you get hung up on how you look now (which is only a temporary state in which your body is in) you can make the recovery process even harder.  If you do not feel back to your 100%, remind yourself in time you will be in a better place both physically and mentally. 

 Tips to try to boost your self-esteem:

• Go exercise. Exercise can help boost my self-esteem especially during my recovery process with any of the things I suffer from. Yes even when my Crohn's is flaring up and the only exercise I want to do is running to and from the bathroom just that little bit of a walk outside is all it takes to help. The exercise does not have to be in the gym it can be a walk around the block, a run around the park, lift some weights at home (if you have any or you can compromise with using something else like a shopping bag full of tins).  Just a little bit each day helps build your self-esteem and it also helps to build back your muscles and boost your overall mood.
• If you have insecurities about your weight either being overweight or underweight, usually wearing baggy clothes help make things less noticeable. There are very slim chances of anyone even noticing your weight and size.  It is what is going on in your head about your weight that is the big deal. Do not forget it is only a temporary state your body is in it is not permanent and you can work on it over time to get it the way you want. Just do not take it out on yourself as it will not help your self-esteem. You are beautiful no matter what as it is your personality and character that matters the most not your physical appearance.
• Do something that makes YOU happy!  Write, draw, watch movies, read, go to the gym or go out with friends for a coffee. Do something to make you happy and put a beautiful smile on your face. Not everything has to have a lot of energy to do something for yourself if you are not up to it.

Your appearance changes more frequently than you can imagine.  Some seem more drastic that others because the only person who knows your body the most is yourself.  Sometimes it is best not to care about the changes depending on what they are.  Do not stress as it does not help as it usually makes everything seem worse than what it actually is.  You have to just put your mind to what you want to achieve and concentrate on that and work towards that goal. Do not set very short goals as they are not easily achievable and can cause even more stress.  If you wish to lose weight do it by changing your lifestyle not follow strict diets like weightwatchers or slimming world they are not easily maintained I know that from experience.  Set a goal that can easily be achieved like losing 4kg in 2months is achievable and not full of pressure to cause a lot of stress on yourself.  It is achievable and can easily be maintained afterwards.