I am sorry I cannot be the friend you need me to be

This blog is not just for you but I needed to write it for myself too.



I know I am not the friend I once was due to things needing to have changed.



I know I have not been the greatest friend recently, I have been distant, I have been selfish and that is definitely not friendship.



To be truthful I suppose it has been easier to deal with all my health issues by myself. I know you have tried to understand, you have tried to be there but unfortunately I do not think anyone will truly understand it all.



I know you feel a mixture of thinks like disappointment, anger and feeling hurt when I let you down. I really wish I could say I would like to make it up to you but I am sorry that would be a promise I cannot commit too as I might let you down again. 



There are days where I struggle to even get out of bed, holding any sort of conversation is draining and the simplest of tasks like going to the toilet exhaust me.


I am not ignoring you, I just cannot deal with life on those days. 


My illnesses are preventing me from being a better friend to you, I do not resent that, it is the cards that I have been dealt with for my life.



I hope one day we are able to start where we left off, making new memories and experience life together.



For all those times I have had to cancel plans, for all those times I have had to let you down, for the times I have not supported you, the times I have been a bad friend…



Thank you for trying to understand…



I am sorry for not being there for you when you need me. I am sorry for everything including being a bad friend.