Sometimes I wonder am I a bad mummy at times due
to all my different illnesses if it is not one flaring up it is another one
flaring up on me instead. Being a parent either mum or dad, single or a living
together can be tough no matter what but being a parent with a chronic illness
or illnesses makes it a bit harder. This last year has been tough on myself and
my daughter as it has been one thing after another for both of us.
Alisha just turned three in the middle of April
and I have been teaching her small things like mummy needs to go work to earn
pennies to get us yummy food or get us pets like Pumpkin and Squeak (we have 2
lovely guinea pigs cheeky just like Alisha but they are amazing with a trouble
maker scaring them). This one has taken a while as she still tells me she does
not want me to go to work every day I tell her I have to go to work.
I actually have realised in a space of a week my three year old daughter eats more than I do because of my Crohn’s being in mid flare and she has a very large range of words in her vocabulary so I do not want to miss her telling me important things like the other day we went for a walk she told me everything from the yellow sun, pink petals on ground, green tree and a blue sky. If I asked her dad who is not sick or anything just a very lazy person what she goes through with him he cannot even tell me as he is not interested in things like that. It would not care if the house is slightly messy or I am not feeling my best I still sit down and read a story with her, play games with her, take her to the park or for a walk. The little things are all that matters to her and the things that she will remember if I am not here for long. I also work full time, look after a house and a child (well 2 children if you include her dad as he cannot defend for himself but he has been forced to recently as I am fed up being treated like shit as I want out and I cannot do this any longer after doing it for five years I cannot do it with him no more).
The most important things for a child growing up
are love, clothes, food and a house to live in. Anything else at that age is an
added bonus as I do not know if any other kids are like mine but she would
rather play with boxes or books not toys. Don’t get me wrong she loves her
teddies and toys but she’s not always liked playing with toys even as a baby it
is only recently she has shown an interest in playing with material things
unless that is because her dad got her a tablet for her birthday as she always
was stealing mine then accidently broken it on me as it fell down the stairs
when I was stuck in the bathroom being very poorly one day. The way I am
raising my little girl is perfectly normal as I have had a health visitor
checking on us very few months to make sure we are doing well and that I do not
need any extra support from herself or other medical staff. When she last
visited us she did not remember I have been dealing with many different child
anxieties like hoovers, showers, hand dryers for a few years and she had told
me even with everything going on in my life from working and holding down a
full time job, dealing with a useless person who is the father of my child,
numerous anxieties with Alisha, looking after a house and garden mostly by myself,
looking after myself and numerous illnesses and having a toddler meltdown every
so often but every time I manage to overcome the majority of the meltdowns but
not all as I usually curl up in a ball and cry then she joins me but it ends up
as a distraction method then she’s forgotten her reason for her tantrum.
It has taken me three whole years to tell myself
I am an amazing mum after so many different people telling me I should not have
had a child as I cannot keep on top of the housework… or I am always too sick
to look after her… I am sorry I may not be able to do a lot of things with her
some days but for her age she is very smart and caring and understands to an
extent mummy cannot always do things with her as mummy is not well… Also I am
sorry but my house was spotless before my lovely caring daughter arrived but
you know what housework can wait a few extra days them precious moments of a child
growing up cannot wait as they are only tiny for a few years them few years fly
by a hell of a lot quicker than you think I know that one for a fact. Plus the
majority of the people that tell me about the housework do not have kids it can
be a nightmare at times as the most of the time I have the house clean Alisha
comes along and tips out all her toys all over the living room floor or she
pulls all her clothes out of the wardrobe to find one top or trousers or outfit
in particular. It does drive me mad especially if I am not feeling well but she
is a child, one day she will learn but she is slowly learning she needs to help
mummy tidy her mess up as she has to do it in school.
So we go back to my question I ask myself all the
time am I a bad mummy? No I am not I am a brilliant mum to have to deal with
all this on a daily basis and not have a meltdown myself. I am in a way showing
my precious daughter that her mummy was a strong woman and could manage
everything even if it was not done on time the most important things that
mattered the most were provided for as they were necessities the rest were not
it is just a matter of life and daily tasks. My daughter gets food yes check;
clothes yes check; and love and affection yes check and a roof over her head to
sleep at night yes check. There we go mummy is a good mummy and has never been
a bad mummy apart from when mummy is not hungry and does not eat then mummy
gets told off like a naughty child by a toddler as she is smart and knows you
need to eat to keep up your strength. It might have taken me a while to realise
that I am a good mummy to my lovely daughter but from day one when she was
born, I have been the best mummy to her that she could have as I always try my
best with everything. I give her what she needs on a daily basis and that is
the most important thing the rest to her at this age is an added bonus and you
know what no matter how I feel she loves me to pieces and that is my reward
even if sometimes the loving embraces we have she nearly kills me by tightening
her arms around my neck I still love her to pieces and she loves me back.
The reason why I wrote this was mainly because of
the judgemental comments I have had over the years regarding Alisha and me
being a bad mother to her, from my own family telling me she should be eating
her veggies blah, blah, blah, I am sorry but when she was not eating them she
was still eating her fruit. When I was growing up my twin sister was never
forced to eat her veggies at dinner as mum and dad both knew she hated them,
well so does Alisha, I offer them to her if she does not want to eat them so be
it they were there on her plate she eats what she wants off her plate. Other things
were she needs to go out to baby or toddler groups to interact with other
children, I cannot always drop everything as I have hospital appointments, work
and many other things to sort out so I cannot always drop everything on the
days that the groups she can go to there are times that other things are more
important than going baby or toddler groups. So if you are reading this and you
are suffering from different illnesses or not suffering from them take a step
back and look at the situation yourself and do not let anyone tell you
differently if you see yourself as a good parent then believe in yourself you
are a good parent build your confidence up in yourself and do not let anyone
knock you down.
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