IBD and is the person you love a keeper?

Every relationship I have been in, a large portion of every one of them we have had to deal with many health issues from passing out with anaemia and being doubled over in pain on the toilet or not being able to walk up or down the stairs without having to crawl up or down them in pain. Most of the guys I have been with have walked out the door or ran out in some cases and never looked back or never got in touch again after they seen the worst I have been with my health.  There are a few things most people look for when they have chronic illnesses and looking for a partner or that very special person. 

1.  They hold your hair back while you have your head in the loo puking your guts up

When you live with chronic illnesses such as Crohn’s disease, you have more than your fair share of puking.  A real man will stand by your side, he will hold your hair back for you and if you happen to miss the toilet he will help clean it up.

2.  They will love you even at your worst moments

Between our periods and the lovely devils tic-tac’s Prednisolone, we can be well… difficult to live with ha-ha.  A real man who you want to stay around, will stand by your side and love you no matter what.  He will understand that behind all the angry faces, fighting, arguing and mood swings that there is a loving and caring creature.  Prednisolone is most definitely not for the faint hearted and if he is a keeper he will look past all that.

3.  They think you are beautiful even when you are really sick or have loads of scars

Living with a chronic illness makes you feel ugly (well it makes me feel ugly for definite).  You look at yourself in the mirror, or you have a moon face from taking steroids, or you have an extra bit of weight due to the steroids, or you have lost a lot of weight due to a flare with your Crohn’s disease.  Whatever the case may be having an illness or multiple illnesses does not make you feel like a beauty queen.  Scars, hair loss, the pale complexion… if he does not see your true beauty, he is not worth keeping.  A real man will remind you frequently of how beautiful you are then he is definitely a keeper.

4.  They will yell at the doctors for you instead

There are hundreds of doctors out there.  If you have been suffering for any length of time with an inflammatory bowel disease, you will know there are also a lot of bad doctors out there.  Sometimes you just do not want to deal with it… either because you are too sick to voice your opinions or you are too tired to put up a fight.  In those moment you would want a man who will take up the sword and put up a fight and help fight your battles for you.  If he loves you the way he says he does he will fight for you until the best possible care is found.  If he shows any signs of being a hero then he is most definitely a keeper.

5.  They will stand by your side when everyone else does a runner

I have dated a few guys in my time, yes I know I am still young.  Most of them had ducked at the first sight of a sniffle.  To be honest, most guys who do that are most definitely not that into you in the first place.  But you really do not want a man like that anyway as he would run away eventually. You need a man who loves you no matter what the future will hold.  You want a man who is willing to ask for your hand in marriage or stick with you no matter what happens even if you are diagnosed with an incurable illness or diagnosed with secondary illnesses with your IBD.  You will need a man who will stick with you for better or worse.  You need a man who will love you come what may and you deserve that.  A man who lives up to the vow “in sickness and in health” will be the man who is a keeper even if he is not married to you as long as he stick with you through every up and every down in your life that is what matters the most.

To anyone who has had a man scorn at you because you are too sick due to your illnesses.  REMEMBER you are still very valuable.  The man who runs away at the slightest sign of trouble is not worth your time.  You want a man who will love you and respect you with every ounce of his being.  Ladies you are worth it.  DO NOT ever settle for, or get hung up on, any man who makes you feel like you are not worth his time.  If he gets on like he does not care about your health or wellbeing then he is not worth any second crying over if you split up or he eventually does a runner on you when you are at your lowest or the worst time of flare up and end up being admitted into the hospital.  Apart from running away and leaving you to cope on your own being sick, manipulating and controlling relationships are definitely not good either.  They are not good especially when he manipulates everything you say and tries to make it look like you are actually not sick or tries to make himself look like he is more ill than you are for example, you have a flare up with your IBD and he is suffering from man flu, instead of him helping you out he makes it look like he is needing you to lift and lay everything for him especially when you are unable to move out of bed yourself apart from just about getting up and out of bed to get to the toilet in time before being sick.  If you have someone like that he is most definitely not a keeper.

The Diagnosis....

Just before March 2013 all I could stomach was soups, liquids and Super Noodles. Just before I went home for a week I had went to the doctors as I was not feeling well, this time it was a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) but they thought it was so bad that it was near my kidneys. So I was put on a course of antibiotics. When I went home to see my family and friends during the first week of March all I got was are you eating properly or are you taking laxatives. The answer was no to both.

My food for the majority of 6months before my diagnosis.

I had lost just under 4 stone at the time. When I came back I still had the UTI but was feeling dizzy and faint. Within a space of two weeks I had visited the Accident and Emergency 3 times. The first time I was put on a fluid drip and send home with yet more antibiotics. The second time I was hooked up to an ECG machine and sent home with nothing but told to rest up and take it easy. On the third time it was a student doctor that had said that I was at all not well and should not be sent home like the previous times, as I had hardly any strength to even stand up on my own and I was being sick.

At this stage I had lost just under 4.5 stone and the student doctor said either ulcerative colitis or Crohn's disease. I am glad he was there that day or I would probably have still not been diagnosed or either no longer here as I had been getting heart palpitations and he had said it was a sign my body was either shutting down or could not cope no more with the rapid weight loss. The third time of being in A&E I was transferred up to the Acute Medical short stay ward. In the morning I was moved to the Acute Medical Ward for Gastro and Liver care as there was a bed free for me.

In the Gastro and Liver ward I was poked and prodded for 4 weeks. Within the first two weeks I had lost more weight just bringing it to just under 5 stone in total. My consultant and his junior doctors had helped to gather all the information from me and came to a conclusion it was more like Crohn's disease than ulcerative colitis. The only reason which lead to make their decision was the numerous blood tests they had done and all of them showed different vitamin and mineral deficiencies. I was put on a number of different IV drips to boost my vitamins and minerals which I was deficient in. During my stay in the hospital I had a number of tests done to try and see what was wrong with me such as, ultrasound of my liver, kidneys and stomach, endoscopy, colonoscopy and MRI.

My home for just over 4weeks.

For the Ultrasound I was not allowed to eat anything for 6hours before the scan so, they could get a better picture of what was going on. The endoscopy, colonoscopy and MRI I had to drink a disgusting laxative which had made me sick. But because I could not keep it down they had it changed to another one which went down a bit easier but closer to the test times I was really sick so they had to give me fluid through a drip and a paracetamol drip as I was in so much pain.

When they were carrying out the endoscopy they could only find mouth ulcers and ulcers at the back of my throat which was what was causing it painful to swallow anything. In the colonoscopy they had found a lot of ulceration and inflammation in my large bowel. But the consultant said where I was getting my pain in my stomach would not be caused by where they found the Crohn's disease so he ordered a MRI scan to see if it was in my small bowel. After these procedures he had said it was definitely Crohn's disease but he wanted to see how far it had spread. He had also said something about getting put on a drip when I returned to the ward but I was not paying much attention as I had been heavily sedated and was drifting in and out. I cannot even remember getting back into my bed on the ward but I was told that I was helped back into bed as I was near enough fast asleep. I was woken up to be told my dinner had arrived but I fell back to sleep as the sedation had not worn off by that time. It was near midnight I had woken up again but because I was slightly hungry and extremely weak so, I asked for some toast and butter and Lucozade. One of the nurses actually went to the canteen to get me the Lucozade as I could just about make it to the toilet without any assistance so, they did not want to risk letting me go on my own to the canteen. Once I got some food into me I felt a bit better. The next morning I was put on antibiotic and steroid drips for 4days. On the fourth day the plaster over the cannula made my skin come out in an allergic rash so, the nurse asked the doctor could it be taken out and be put on my course of tablet antibiotics and steroids a day early. Thankfully they said yes cause no matter who puts the cannulas in makes me come out in massive bruises. I had also been started on azathioprine as well at 100mg as the dosage goes by the weight of the patient. Also my consultant was unsure of whether or not to start me on humira but would make the definite decision when he got the results back from the MRI scan.
 
A week after my endoscopy and colonoscopy procedures I got disturbed eating my breakfast which I had stolen off the breakfast cart before they started doing the rounds at 8.15am, I was rushed down to the MRI scan. It was a complete waste of time eating my breakfast as I was given more of the disgusting laxatives which I was to drink within an hour before my slot. A few days later I was told that the Crohn's had not yet spread to the small bowel. This was a good thing as he had decided not to start the humira just yet.